What does your zodiac sign say about your kisses !!!

Aries: Your kisses are quick and passionate fits of lustful
pleasure that are there and then gone.

Taurus: Your kisses linger; they are deliberate, heartfelt
and they can go on and on and on?

Gemini: Your kisses are interrupted by spasms of giggles,
smiles and funny observations.

Cancer: Your kisses are warm and tender, and you never
want to let them go.

Leo: Your kisses are wild and uninhibited, biting and clawing;
you expect applause for your performance.

Virgo: Your kisses are so subtle and tidy, your lover only notices
them once you've finished.

Libra: You're too busy worrying about your breath to really get
into your kisses.

Scorpio: You skip the kiss and get to straight to ?
whatever comes next for you.

Sagittarius: Your kisses are surprising, spontaneous affairs
that leave the kissed wanting more.

Capricorn: Your kisses are intense moments of sublime relief
from the stress of your day.

Aquarius: Your kisses are wet and messy, and you tend to keep
your eyes open.

Pisces: Your kisses are starry-eyed, amorous and long-lasting.

Each one is awesome in some respect, n joy readin' it

The First Affair

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their
passions overcame them and they took off for her house,where they made
passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex they fell
asleep, awakening around 8:00 p.m.

As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes
outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she
nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.

"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my
secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and
didn't wake up until eight o'clock."

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!".

The Second Affair

There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful
teenage daughters. The couple decided to try one last time for the son they
always wanted.

After months of trying, the wife finally got pregnant and sure enough,
delivered a healthy baby boy nine months later. The joyful father
rushed into the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was
horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen. He went to his wife and
told her there was no way he could be the father of that child.

"Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!" Then he gave her a
stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"

The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time!"

The Third Affair

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the
dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he
examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he
noticed the size of his manhood. "I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz", said the
mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a
tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity."

With that, the mortician used his tools to remove the dead man's
private bit. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home.

The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have something to
show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase.

"Oh my God!" the wife screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"

The Fourth Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening
the front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." Then she quickly rubbed baby
oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're
a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, it's a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one
fortheir bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later when they went to
sleep.

Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the
kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of
milk.

"Here," he said to the statue, "Eat something. I stood like an idiot
at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of
water."

The Fifth Affair

A man walks into a nightclub one night. He goes up to the bar and asks
for a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 cent."

"One Cent?", exclaimed the man. The bartender replied,

"Yes."

So the man glances over at the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice
juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a fried egg?"

"Certainly Sir," replies the barman, "But that comes to real money. A
whole 4 cents."

"Four Cents?", exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this
place?"

The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied, "The same thing as I'm doing to his business."

The Sixth Affair

Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil
by
his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face.

Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lip
began to move slightly.

"Becky my darling," he whispered. "Hush my love," she said.

"Rest, don't talk." He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired
voice, I have something that I must confess."

"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky,

"Everything's all right, go to sleep."

"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I .... I slept with your sister,
your best friend, her best friend and even your mother!"

"I know, my sweet one" whispered Becky, "That's why I poisoned you...

Do Lines Ki Shayaris... shaee hai.....

Tumko dekha to yeh khayaal aaya
Ki kal raat ko maine itna kyon khaaya

Tu mere dil mein aise samaayi hai
Jaise baajre ke khet mein bhains ghus aayi hai

Teri zulfein hain ya ghana andhera
Katwa de baal, aur kar de savera

Juice peene ka maza cup mein nahin, glass mein hota hai
Greeting card dene ka maza gharwali ko nahin, saali ko hota hai

Wo ladai hi kya jis mein do chaar gaaliyan na ho
Aur woh sasuraal hi kya jahan do chaar saaliyan na ho

Majnu Laila ke baal pakad ke bola
Moya kitne din se sar nahin dhoya

Jaayiye aap kahan jaayenge
Hum khud aapko chhod aayenge

Khush rahe tu sada yeh dua hai meri
Teri premika hi ban jaaye bhabhi teri

Hum aapke dil mein rahate hai
Aur bhaada bhi nahin dete hai

Draupadi ka vastraharan Dushasan ko pada bhari
Saari mein saari Parag saari!

Zoron ki baarish Makes me wonder
Is this what they call, Taste the thunder?

It realllly is .....

Easy to get a place in someone's address book.
Difficult to get a place in someone's heart.

Easy to judge the mistakes of others
Difficult to recognize our own mistakes

Easy to talk without thinking
Difficult to refrain the tongue

Easy to hurt someone who loves us.
Difficult to heal the wound...

Easy to forgive others
Difficult to ask for forgiveness

Easy to set rules.
Difficult to follow them...

Easy to dream every night.!
Difficult to fight for a dream... ???

Easy to show victory.
Difficult to assume defeat with dignity...

Easy to admire a full moon.
Difficult to see the other side...

Easy to stumble with a stone.
Difficult to get up...!!!!

Easy to enjoy life every day.
Difficult to give its real value...!!!

Easy to promise something to someone.
Difficult to fulfill that promise... !?

Easy to say we love.
Difficult to show it every day... !!

Easy to criticize others.
Difficult to improve oneself... !

Easy to make mistakes.
Difficult to learn from them...

Easy to weep for a lost love.
Difficult to take care of it so not to lose it.!!?

Easy to think about improving.
Difficult to stop thinking it and put it into action...

Easy to think bad of others
Difficult to give them the benefit of the doubt...

Easy to receive Difficult to give
********************************
Easy to read this! Difficult to follow!

Beautiful SUCCESS!;)

At Age 4.... Success is..not peeing in your pants.

At Age 6.... Success is..finding your way home (from school)

At Age 12.... Success is..having friends

At Age 18.... Success is..having a driver's license

At Age 20.....Success is..having sex

At Age 35.....Success is..having money

At Age 45.....Success is..having money

At Age 55.....Success is..having money

At Age 60.....Success is..having sex

At Age 65.....Success is..keeping a driver's license

At Age 70.....Success is..having friends

At Age 75.....Success is..finding your way home (from anywhere)

At Age 80.....Success is..not peeing your pants

STORY OF OUR LIVES

I start my day by sitting on a chair,
giving my monitor a hard, cold stare,
by evening I m done with another coding,
Oh! this has become a routine so boring.
Like all, I entered this field with great hope,
jobs were many and there was plenty of scope,
dreams of joining the likes of Gates,
and a chance to make money in the states.
Thus, I entered the world of bytes,
only to realize that reality bites,
coz a programmer's life, isn't all that cozy,
the bed of software, isn't all that rosy.
seeing the monitor all day n night,
have taken the power of my eyesight,
late to bed n late to rise,
has made me wealthy, but not healthy n wise.
working holidays, busy weekends,
no time for family, no time for friends,
my job steals most of my time,
helplessly, I watch this crime.
just for few bits of money,
I forgot those moments with my honey,
when I should be out - having fun,
I m telling a comp, what's to be done.
I hate u, yet I cant get away,
coz, I need the money u pay,
god, to thee I pray,
if there be one - show me the way.
- Anonymous Programmer

Sayings

The brain is a wonderful organ.
It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
- Robert Frost

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
- Franklin P. Jones


We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?
- Jean Cocturan

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.
- Jerry Seinfeld

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
- Darrin Weinberg

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome."

Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.

Forgive your enemies but remember their names.
It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it creative problem solving.

Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

The Empty Soap Box

One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management
was the case of the empty soap box, which happened in one of
Japan's biggest cosmetics companies.

The company received a complaint that a consumer had bought a
soap box that was empty.
Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line,
which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department.
For some reason, one soap box went through the assembly line empty.
Management asked its engineers to solve the problem. Post-haste,
the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine with high-resolution
monitors manned by two people to watch all the soap boxes that passed
through the line to make sure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked
hard and they worked fast but they spent whoopee amount to do so...

But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the
same problem, did not get into complications of X-rays, etc but instead
came out with another solution. He bought a strong industrial electric fan
and pointed it at the assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each
soap box passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Moral of the story: KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid)
i.e. always look for simple solutions.
Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problem :-)
So, learn to focus on solutions not on problems
"If you look at what you do not have in life, you don't have anything"
"If you look at what you have in life, you have everything"

Interesting facts.....

Coca-Cola was originally green.
The most common name in the world is Mohammed.
The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row ! of the keyboard.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!
You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze,your heart stops for a millisecond.
It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.
The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.
If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents great king from history.
Spades - King David
Clubs - Alexander the Great,
Hearts - Charlemagne
Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Question - What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common?
Ans. - All invented by women.

Question - This is the only food that doesn't spoil. What is this?
Ans. - Honey

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
A snail can sleep for three years.
All polar bears are left handed.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.
Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.
Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
Most lipstick contains fish scales.
Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different

Letter to GOD

Dear GOD,
In school they told us what You do.
Who does it when You are on vacation?
-Jane

Dear GOD,
Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?
-Lucy

Dear GOD,
Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling
words in the house?
-Anita

Dear GOD,
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an
accident?
-Norma

Dear GOD,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones,
why don't You just keep the ones You have now?
-Jane

Dear GOD,
Who draws the lines around the countries?
-Nan

Dear GOD,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that
okay?
-Neil

Dear GOD,
What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had
everything.
-Jane

Dear GOD,
Did you really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"?
Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother!
-Darla

Dear GOD,
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a
puppy.
-Joyce

Dear GOD,
It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad!
He said some things about You that people are not supposed to
say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway. Your friend (But I
am not going to tell you who I am)


Dear GOD,
Why is Sunday school on Sunday?
I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest.
-Tom L.

Dear GOD,
Please send me a pony.
I never asked for anything before, You can look it up.
-Bruce

Dear GOD,
If You give me a genie lamp like Aladin, I will give you anything
you want except my money or my chess set.
-Raphael

Dear GOD,
My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha ha.
-Danny

Dear GOD,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had
their own rooms. It works with my brother.
-Larry

Dear GOD,
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so
much hair all over.
-Sam

Dear GOD,
I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions.
-Ruth M.

Dear GOD,
I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the
whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can
never do it.
-Nan

Dear GOD,
If You watch me in church Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes.
-Mickey D.

Dear GOD,
I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible.
Love, Chris

Dear GOD,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in school they said You
did it. So I bet he stoled your idea.
Sincerely, Donna